Written by Floyd Tillman
(As recorded by Patsy Cline 8/24/61)
I love you so much, it hurts me
Darlin, that's why I'm so blue
I'm so afraid to go to bed at night
Afraid of losing you
I love you so much, it hurts me
And there's nothing I can do
I want to hold you my dear, forever and ever
I love you so much, it hurts me so
I love you so much, it hurts me
And there's nothing I can do
I want to hold you my dear, forever and ever
I love you so much, it hurts me so.
Some of you "old-timers" will remember this song. I am using it for this post, but it doesn’t apply in some ways.
It seems the singer (song-writer) doesn’t have much self-confidence. Afraid to go to bed at night? Afraid of losing you? Maybe when I was a teenager I felt that way, but now, if I’m going to lose sleep afraid of someone leaving me, I realize that person shouldn’t be a priority anyway.
As one gets older, and eternity is more on her mind, she realizes she won’t have those she loves much longer......or they won’t have her as the case may be. Then, the next verse is applicable. I want to hold you my dear forever and ever.
Neither of those thoughts are what this post is about though. Here goes:
Have you ever loved to the point of hurting? I have many, many shortcomings, but the ability to love is not one of them. I love just about everyone and everything. Of course there are those individuals whom I love more than others. There are even individuals close to me that I have different type loves for. And, I know there are people, even within my own family, who love me more than others.....and that’s okay and normal.
I don’t hold grudges.....sometimes I recall hurts and disappointments, but do not hold grudges. I think I’m quick to forgive. Ask my children, I am about the last one to give up on someone. There are those who were once in the family that others have given up on and yet I hold on to some hope......not that they will return to the family, as this would be impossible, but that they will change. I want the best, now and for eternity, for all concerned.
I don’t know where this comes from, but like to credit it to God and trying to please Him. One side of my family was not this way. Most everyone of them held grudges long after the fact. To my knowledge, they all found it within their hearts to let those old festering sores heal before they died. I remember as a child that I knew that wasn’t right and didn’t want to be that way.
Sometimes though loving till it hurts......really hurts! There are times I think of my family and friends with so much love in my heart that I feel it will burst. When I feel this way I also feel inferior as I feel no one, literally no one, ever has or ever will love me like that. No matter how much I’m assured of someone’s love I know in my heart they could never love me as I do them. That might be lack of self-confidence but in my mind it is reality.
When my phone rings, or I get a text, it is rare that I don’t answer right away. If it is impossible at the moment, I always return the call within a very short time. In my mind this is not only courteous but shows my love for that person. It shows they are important. It shows I care about them and what they have to say. Not so, with some. I have called or texted those who tell me how much they love me and get their answering machine. Then, it might be days or longer before my call is returned. I question, "How important I am to that person when this happens." I know I talk too much......way too much.... and figure that is one reason they do not want to return my calls. I’ve told some that one day there is going to be a death in the family and the person will be buried before the one called returns my call. Just kidding of course, but I won’t leave a message on an answering machine telling of the death of a close family member.
Now all you arm chair Psychologists, Psychiatrists and Counselors go to work. I am a case in progress. Whatever you tell me, I will keep on loving and caring, and from time to time calling even if I don’t get a call back!
The other day I was thinking of all those whom I love so deeply that it hurts and tried to call a couple only to get the answering machine. Then, woe unto me.......I wondered if I was actually worthy of love.......and guess what......God had placed reminders of love all around me!
I found a heart waiting for me in my toast. Was God reminding me of His unconditional love for me?
Each morning as I eat breakfast on the deck I am reminded of hearts that are broken. If we come to God with our broken and contrite hearts He will heal them.
Psalm 73:21-26
When my heart was grieved
and my spirit embittered,
I was senseless and ignorant;
I was a brute beast before you.
Yet I am always with you;
you hold me by my right hand.
You guide me with your counsel,
and afterward you will take me into glory.
Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.
On the deck and in the flower beds, God places hearts. I like to use this as a reminder to keep my mind and heart of Him every hour of every day and to remember what He has done for Me! I know I am considered worthy in His sight for He allowed His Son to shed His blood to save Me!
2 Thessalonians 1:5-6
All this is evidence that God's judgment is right, and as a result you will be counted worthy of the kingdom of God, for which you are suffering.
Even with our torn and tattered lives God loves us. When our hearts were as ragged as could be He made them whole by the blood of Christ.
